


hard to see the light now (just don't let it go)

by ReginaCordium



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, it's fun, major death is who you think it is, people who hate talking about their feelings try to talk about grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 02:08:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12002709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReginaCordium/pseuds/ReginaCordium
Summary: Cassandra turns to her, apprising look turning softer than any Vex has ever seen on her. “It’s okay to miss him.”Vex feels like she’s been sucker punched.





	hard to see the light now (just don't let it go)

**Author's Note:**

> For Critical Role Rarepair 2017, Day one: Platonic!
> 
> I am not........entirely content with this, but I'm gonna go mad if I keep looking at it. I'm just an emotionally stunted adult who struggles to write characters expressing their feelings. Please accept my attempt and let me live.
> 
> Title from No One Is Alone from Into the Woods

It’s been two month since Vax died and Vex is fine. She knew it was coming, knew it was the fallout of defeating Vecna. Besides, Vax is a grown ass man capable of his own thoughts and feelings, and Vex just had to accept his decision.

Was. Vax was a grown ass man.

“Vex’ahlia?”

Vex jumps at the voice, suddenly cutting into her thoughts. Gods, how long has she been sitting here? She looks up from the sea of papers covering her desk — relief efforts have been a headache, too many people vying for the same limited resources — to see Cassandra hovering by the door, another bundle of papers under her arm.

“Hello, darling,” Vex says, managing a tired but genuine smile. Over the last year and a half or so, Vex has found herself quite close with the young woman. It’s been nice knowing there was somebody else to talk to when it got overwhelming, to make faces with during exceptionally boring meetings. “More paperwork for me?”

“I know how much you adore it,” Cass says, eyebrows raised. Her gaze sweeps over Vex’s office, the piles of paper and dirty teacups stacked around. “When’s the last time you left your office?”

“Depends,” Vex answers, twisting her head to pop her back. “What time is it?”

“Nearly sundown.”

“Fuck,” Vex says, leaning back in her chair. “Explains why my shoulders hurt so much.”

“Let’s take a walk,” Cass suggests, placing her bundle on a bookshelf near the door. Vex pushes herself out of her chair, bones popping from disuse. Gods, she didn’t realize how long she’d been sitting.

They decide to stop at the kitchens, because Vex hasn’t eaten since breakfast (which she decides she won’t tell Percy. Once he stops worrying, he will tease that she’s turning into him and Vex will never live it down). They take the long way, winding their way through the castle, making idle small talk, figuring out how to best rebuild Whitestone while helping the rest of Tal’dorei.

There’s a lull in the conversation, during which Cassandra studies Vex out of the corner of her eye.

“Are you alright?” she asks eventually.

“Of course I am,” she answers immediately.

“You look exhausted,” Cassandra insists. “Have you been sleeping well?”

“Of course.”

Cassandra turns to her, apprising look turning softer than any Vex has ever seen on her. “It’s okay to miss him.”

Vex feels like she’s been sucker punched.

“It’s been only been two months. It is okay to miss your brother.”

Vex looks away, tears stinging her eyes. Cassandra reaches out to grasp her hands and squeezes; Vex squeezes back, suddenly overcome.

“I know a thing or two about losing brothers,” Cassandra says softly, and Vex swears her heart twists in her chest. “I mourned my family quietly for years, even when it was dangerous to do so.

“He was half of my heart,” Vex chokes out. “Our whole lives, we only had each other. I don’t know how to live without him.”

“You will learn,” Cassandra tells her, not unkindly. “You will learn how to wake up and face a day your brother will not see. You have the advantage in knowing that this is a world he fought for, that he died so everybody else could live. That Vax wanted you to live and prosper and be happy.”

Vex swallows thickly. “And the pain? Does that ever stop?”

“It’s like any wound. It may pain you occasionally, but you will learn how to survive it.”

Vex pulls Cassandra into a hug, clearly surprising the other woman. Even after all this time, she is still caught off guard by Vex’s casual expressions of affection. Vex squeezes her just a little harder than usual, knowing that Cassandra so very rarely lets herself be vulnerable like this.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Cass,” Vex says, wiping tears away with the sides of her hands.

“A lot more work, I suspect,” Cassandra says, smile wry.

Vex laughs, reveling in the feel of it.

Fine may be a stretch, but she’ll get there. For now, she’ll have dinner with Cassandra, and then hunt down her husband, and then she’ll live her life, for what it’s worth.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I can be found [on tumblr](regina-cordium.tumblr.com)


End file.
